Shirtless Chef’s recipe this week is Blueberry No Muffin Top

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I was a “husky” kid growing up, which was a politically correct way to say I was a chunk.  I hit the 100 lb mark in third grade.  I loved all things junk food and would have to be forced to eat anything that even sounded remotely healthy. 

I absolutely loved sweet pastries.  I could go through a box of pastries and sweet muffins like a professional grade wood chipper clearing tree limbs after a big storm.  I’d buy the box of Little Debbie brand blueberry mini-muffins and the box would be empty in one afternoon if I was left alone to my own devices. 

Here’s a quick example of how addicted I was to sweet muffins. When it was cold, my mother would make a special hot mash of oats for the horses every once in a while.  Keep in mind this was a giant metal livestock water tub filled with horse-feed oats and hot water… and to me, it smelled like a sweet and delicious bran muffin. 

After a few times of watching this get mixed up and seeing how much the horses just went for the stuff, I decided to sneak a big bite when my mom wasn’t looking.  Hey, I told you I loved sweet muffins, don’t judge.  Well, that sweet smell was a lie.  Sugar was nowhere to be found in that tin feedtub, and my palate which was used to the oversweet Little Debbie snacks had me immediately spitting out and gagging on this great and terrible deception.  Turns out horse feed tastes horrendous…who knew?  But such was my addiction to sweets.  I had to try it.

There’s a reason that flab hanging over a person’s pants is called a muffin top, because eating those store bought muffins is a fast track to growing one big enough that if you fell into a lake and needed help, people might just assume you already had one of those inflatable floaties around your waist, and you were just being overly dramatic.  Take a look at what goes into these little bite sized nutrition disasters:

• Sugar, Water, Enriched Bleached Flour (Wheat Flour, Niacin, Reduced Iron, Thiamin Mononitrate [Vitamin B1], Riboflavin [Vitamin B2], Folic Acid), Blueberries, Soybean Oil, Modified Corn Starch. Contains 2% Or Less Of Each Of The Following: Palm Oil, Egg Whites, Whey (Milk), Soy Lecithin, Wheat Gluten, Natural And Artificial Flavors, Leavening (Baking Soda, Sodium Aluminum Phosphate), Glycerin, Salt, Eggs, Sorbitan Monostearate, Soy Flour, Corn Flour, Sodium Stearoyl Lactylate, Propylene Glycol Monostearate, Mono-And Diglycerides, Sorbic Acid (To Preserve Freshness), Polysorbate 60. Xanthan And Guar Gums.

Ingredients are listed from the biggest amount in the recipe to the smallest used in the product.  Sugar is listed first, which should set off all the warning bells, and look how far you have to read before you hit actual blueberries.  If you want to give your body food it can make sense of and use, don’t eat things that look like a list that some smarmy super genius kid would use as a spelling bee study list.  My apologies, spell check.

As an adult, I was still eating those types of food, and wondering why I was steadily packing on weight, even when I was on an extreme work-out program.  On the side by side pictures below, I was doing the exact same workout program, the only difference is that I finally stopped eating processed foods with those Scripps National Spelling Bee word lists:

In the pic on the left, I was working out hard.  I was dedicated, put in the effort, worked until I had nothing left, and still was as soft as a goose down pillow.  It wasn’t until I cleaned up my eating that I was able to burn off all the extra fat I was carrying and actually see results from working out.

But eating clean doesn’t mean you never get to have a sweet muffin again.  You just have to make them yourself with healthy and natural ingredients.  These things come together fast and easy, and with cook time it’s only about 30 minutes from a sad no muffin wasteland  to happy kitchen sweet muffins everywhere.  They are also versatile, you can easily swap the blueberries for any other type of add in, even 70% or over dark chocolate chips can be used.

Healthy Blueberry breakfast muffins:

Ingredients:

• 1 1/4 cup fine ground almond flour
• 2 tbsp coconut flour
• 2 tbsp plain grass fed protein powder (optional)
• 1/3 cup low carb sweetener (I use Stevia in the raw)
• 3 free range eggs
• 1/4 cup coconut oil melted
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 1/4 tsp sea salt
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 3/4 cup fresh organic blueberries

Instructions:

Melt the coconut oil in a saucepan over low heat or in the microwave until just melted, set aside to cool slightly.  Whisk the almond flour, coconut flour, protein powder (if using), baking soda, and sea salt in a large mixing bowl. In a separate bowl, whisk the eggs, sweetener, and vanilla extract, and then slowly drizzle in the melted coconut oil into the egg mixture, whisking constantly.  Then pour the egg mixture into the dry team bowl, and stir with a spatula until completely integrated.  Gently fold in the blueberries.  Dish out two tablespoons of the mix into a cupcake tray lined with cupcake paper liners.  A tablespoon sized disher sprayed with some non-stick cooking spray is an easy and quick way: