Pudding That’s Instantly Better with Jason

Avocados are pretty amazing. It’s like a tree saw a chicken lay an egg and then said “Hold my beer and watch this.” Avocados are the eggs of the fruit world for all their versatility and nutritional value.

I am equally saddened and amazed when people say they don’t like avocados. The reasons range from the color to the texture, or that they tried guacamole once as a kid and hated it. Here’s a visual aid for how those conversations go:

So with this recipe, I’ve eliminated both the color and the texture of guacamole. That’s right, kids, we’re making pudding. Or Puddin, if you are Harley Quinn. It’s a quick and easy chocolate craving fix that gives you fiber and healthy fats, vitamins and minerals. What’s not to love about that?

As I was making this, I thought about all the instant jello pudding I ate as a kid, and I wondered to myself “What exactly is instant chocolate pudding?” Turns out, it’s mostly sugar, cornstarch, and a bunch of weird unnecessary things:

Sugar, Modified Cornstarch, Cocoa Processed with Alkali, Sodium Phosphate, Contains Less than 2% of Tetrasodium Pyrophosphate, Natural and Artificial Flavor, Salt, Artificial Color, Mono- and Diglycerides, Red 40, Yellow 5, Blue 1.

Now, food dyes have been known to cause some behaviour issues in children, and I can’t for the life of me figure out why something brown needs red 40, yellow 5, and blue 1 in it. The real “Warning Warning Danger Danger” ingredient is Tetrasodium Pyrophosphate. That’s a mouthful, but it should not be an actual mouthful in your food.

This ingredient has its own MSDS sheet, and that is never a good sign. That means it has first aid instructions for eye, skin, and inhalation exposure. If your dessert has an ingredient that says to perform CPR if you breathe it in, or to immediately wash contaminated skin with large amounts of water, maybe it’s not such a good idea to feed it to your kids?

What is it? It’s an odorless white powder or granular solid used in household and industrial cleaning compounds. Its uses include metal cleaning, oil well drilling…and here’s the fun part…water softener and food additive. No wonder this company used a certain famous comedian in the 80’s as its spokesperson, as they both seem to have proclivities to sneak weird powders into your glass while you aren’t looking.

The FDA says it’s safe, and it’s in a lot of sweet foods like pudding, marshmallows, and even toothpaste. Listen, if you want to trust the FDA, be my guest. I know I’ve eaten my share of it throughout my life and it didn’t kill me…immediately. I also know once I took control of the ingredients in my food, I lost eighty lbs, my resting heart rate dropped from 87 to 57 beats a minute, and every known health marker you can test completely reversed for the good.

I’m no technical expert. I do like common sense, however, and something that can clean your carburetor might not be great to use in your foods. Just saying.

Just one half cup of the instant stuff has 31 grams of carbs, 25 grams of sugar, 460 mg of sugar…and not much else. I don’t know about you, but back when I ate this stuff, 1/2 cup was not the serving. I was pretty much eating the entire bowl, which is about 6 of these servings and I’d rather not do the math on that out of shame.

So, if you don’t want food dyes, industrial cleaning agents, and a lot of added sugar, but you do want fiber, healthy fats, and vitamins, try this pudding instead. It’s just as easy to make as the instant stuff, and what’s not in it is more important than what is in it. Also, it’s freaking delicious, so it has that going for it as well. No joke, puddin.

Avocado chocolate pudding:

Ingredients:

2 very ripe avocados

1/4 cup non-sweetened nut milk of your choice

1/2 cup of unsweetened raw cocoa powder (not processed with Alkali)

1 tsp liquid stevia

3 tbsp powdered monkfruit sweetener

1 tsp vanilla extract

pinch of salt (less that 1/8 tsp)

Whipped cream:

1 cup grass fed cream

4 tsp water

1 tsp gelatin

1/2 tsp vanilla extract

2 tbsp powdered monkfruit

First, make the whipped cream if using. Chill a metal mixing bowl and the beaters for 15 minutes in the freezer. Sprinkle the gelatin on the water and let sit for 5 minutes:

Add the sweetener and vanilla extract to the mixing bowl:

Pour the cream and beat on medium speed until soft peaks form. Nuke the gelatin for 6 seconds in the microwave and slowly drizzle into the cream while beating on low, then beat until stiff peaks form: