I’m angry and I’m absolutely fed up. There is an issue in the lives of our young people that supersedes anything else we are dealing with on a daily basis and it’s time we call out the elephant in the room and figure out what we, as individuals, as groups, and as a community are going to do about it.
So let me just say it.
Stop it…right now.
If you have made it this far I’m sure you are wondering what this crazy lady is ranting about. Good news, I’m gonna tell you.
Over the past few weeks my social media feed has been full of the face of a beautiful young girl that I cannot get out of my mind. I don’t know her. I don’t know her family or friends. I don’t know her story. But I know, beyond a shadow of a doubt that something is wrong in a world where her precious 14 year old life has come to an end at her own hands.
What is even more wrong? She’s not the only one…
So, like I said before. Stop it. Stop it right now.
Let’s call it out. Bullying is a problem. It’s an issue that needs to be addressed, today. The world is hard no matter how old you are – but, our babies need to be protected. They deserve to have childhoods, to play sports, to live and learn, to screw up and fix it. They deserve BETTER and we, by God, are going to give it to them.
Enough is enough.
I will stand up and tell you that no one is exempt from being bullied. It may even surprise you to know that I have been on the receiving end of bullies. I’m not even 100% sure that I realized that’s what it was when it happened, but I can clearly remember – like a movie playing in my memory – the incidents that happened to me. When I was a high school athlete it was super common to play every sport you could possibly excel at. I have played slow pitch softball since I could walk and it was very natural to me but I fell in love with basketball, how hard I had to work and how it pushed me to my limits to excel. I also realized that my dream was to pursue basketball, to play in college, and to push myself as far as I could go. In order to do that a very difficult choice had to be made and I needed to focus my time and attention on basketball.
Out of respect for my high school softball teammates I gave them my best and helped contribute to winning a state championship before I left the team. But, when I decided that I would not return the next year that respect was not returned. I was treated like a pariah not only by my former teammates but at the urging and encouragement of the coaching staff at the time. I was ridiculed to my face and behind my back to others, I had items stolen and torn up from my locker, and my vehicle was even vandalized – many of these things happening under the “watchful eye” of the very adults who were supposed to protect me. It was absolutely pathetic.
I never let it show at the time but now I have no problem telling you that I went home several days in tears. It definitely never made sense to me why my peers and these adults would punish me in such a way for simply doing what I needed to do in my young life to set myself up for a successful future.
I’m built different, though. Even through my tears, hurt, and disappointment the things that they did only drove me to be better, to excel, and to prove to myself and anyone else who I am and what I am made of. What I know now is, not everyone is built that way. Not only that, but my situation pales in comparison to some of the things that young people are experiencing now with the addition of texting and social media. Who knows how my situation would have turned out had those extra avenues for harassment been available to those who chose to come after me.
What are we going to do about it?
The short answer is – freaking stop it. But I don’t have an instant solution to offer you for how to accomplish this. I mean, I feel like it should be so easy.
Be nice. Be nice to people you know and people you don’t know.
Love each other. You don’t have to like someone or agree with them to love them.
Show grace. To yourself and those around you – we are all doing our best.
Implement these things in your own lives and then teach them to your children and others in your sphere of influence. And while I’m on it, if you know your kid is a bully then circle back to my previous advice and STOP IT. As a parent it is your one and only job for your family to raise a good human and letting a little bullying tyrant live in your house does not achieve that mission.
READ MORE BELOW
Based on statistics from the 2023 Youth Risk Behavior Survey presented by the Arkansas department of health at least 25% of students across any school age group have experienced bullying, at least on a semi-regular basis. They even broke down those statistics further and the amount of bullying experienced in females, specifically, is almost 40%.
Read that again.
For every 2 young girls you see grades 9th through 12th 1 of them is being actively bullied.
Let that sink in.
To see more of these saddening statistics including gun violence, assault, and drinking/drugs I would encourage you to check out the full survey at https://dese.ade.arkansas.gov/Offices/learning-services/school-health-services/youth-risk-behavior-survey-yrbs
Let’s talk Mental Health. In a world where the crazy comes at you so fast you couldn’t swat it away with an electric flyswat how are you, or your young people, supposed to stay afloat? Let’s start by normalizing telling someone when you are not ok and getting help. If I have said it once I have said it a million times – everyone needs a therapist; and those people who tell you they don’t need a therapist need one even worse than you do. The most beautiful thing about therapy is the provision of a space where you can unload all the crap on someone who doesn’t have any skin in the game and leave it there. We are not meant to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders and we have this beautiful system in place to unburden ourselves…so do it!
To the faces of these sweet children I have seen on social media I just have to say I am so sorry. I am sorry we failed you. You deserved so much more than you were given and so much better than whatever caused you to feel like an ending to your life was your only option. I wish I could go back in time and hug you up in my best mom hug, put my hands on your face, look you in your eyes, and tell you that you are worth so much more than that situation. That this is just a blip in all the amazing things that you are going to do in your life, and then scoop you up under my mommy wing and protect you from all the ugly in the world. And I know I’m not the only one.
And that’s true for those of us who are left to carry on as well. We have to do better – whatever that looks like for you.
If you are a bully, stop.
If you are being bullied, please speak up.
If you feel like suicide is your only answer, reach out.
There is so much more and you deserve so much better.
I can’t fix the world, but I can be the voice that speaks up and speaks out. And, if you are willing to stand with me and be a part of the change then together we can start a movement to change lives…and to save lives.
Until next week…that’s how the ball bounces.
NOTE: If you or someone you know is struggling with suicidal thoughts please reach out to someone. Call 988 from any mobile device to reach the national Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
Read more from How the Ball Bounces with Bekka in the archives at www.mysaline.com/bounces.
About the author: Bekka Wilkerson is a lifelong lover of all things sports. Raised in a super athletic household it was no surprise when she too began to love sports at a young age. It seems like from the time she could walk she had a softball bat in her hands, but her true athletic passion came from all things Basketball. That love served her well as a Bryant High School Lady Hornet and ultimately earned her a full scholarship to play at the University of Central Arkansas – among many other adventures.
These days Bekka can be found running around Saline County with her husband, Speedy, or chasing one of her grandsons. She is also the Executive Director of The EMpact One Foundation, a Saline County Nonprofit Organization that helps young people stay connected to extracurricular activities through tuition assistance and equipment provisions.
Reach out to Bekka with questions and/or ideas about things you want to see in this column at [email protected] and learn more about The EMpact One Foundation at www.empactone.org.