Now that baseball season is in full swing let’s talk balls and strikes! Specifically tiny human baseball. Now, before you come for me let me just make a note. I am probably one of the most competitive people you will ever meet. Growing up playing sports and playing at elite levels taught me not just a love of athletics but a love of all things winning. I never back down from a challenge and I will put in the work to be my best. Basically, I absolutely detest losing – I don’t even want you pushing your buggy faster than me in the grocery store. But, back to the point.
My husband and I had the honor of coaching my oldest grandson in 5 & 6 year old Instructional Baseball this season. We actually just finished up this week. This is not our first go round with our kiddos playing competitive sports. By the time I came into her life our daughter had already finished up with her softball aspirations, but our two boys still played a bit, the younger playing more competitively than the older. My husband coached both of their teams and I, pretty much, sat in my chair next to the dugout and cheered my head off (for every kid…not just my own). That was about 8 years ago and not much has changed.
I thought, naively, that when my kids were done playing we were hanging up our coaching hats. But, that was not the case. Enter Oliver, our 5 year old grandson. I’m adding his picture to this article because that is what grandmas do and because it maybe pertains to the article.
In seasons past we played Blastball. If your kid has ever played the incredible sport of Blastball then you know that this is more of an exercise in cat herding than baseball playing. The gist is that kids ages 3-5 years, give or take, have an opportunity to participate in an organized-ish sport. But here’s what it actually looks like: approximately 8 tiny humans in the t-ball field running around doing all manner of thing, with coaches attempting to corral them and teach basic t-ball rules, while another tiny human on the opposing team hits the ball off a tee and runs to a base that squeaks. Once the tiny human on base realizes said base is squeaky the cacophony of squeaks ensues via bouncing on the base until the next batter repeats the cycle.
It’s precious and beautiful and I think every kid should play. We had so much fun during the process and I really believe Oliver learned the basics. Most importantly, he had fun and started learning all the things that team sports teach kids.
5 & 6 Year Old Instructional Baseball was…not that.
Now, when we signed our little guy up to play I said, and I quote, “ WE are not going to coach”. That may have lasted 24 hours. His team needed a coach so my husband, God love him, jumped at the opportunity. It’s just his nature and I expected nothing less. So then, and I quote, “I’m not going to coach, I’m just going to sit in the stands and cheer”. That lasted a little longer but by the first practice I was no longer a sit in the stands mom.
The kids on our team were fantastic! Both my husband and I loved being out on the field with them and getting to be a small part of their baseball experience. And my hats off to anyone who coaches, as a profession or just for the love of the game, because it’s not for everyone.
But, here’s where it gets a little dicey. LOL.
I had to have a little heart to heart talk with myself after the first game. Because what I saw on the fields after that initial outing was not a direction I wanted to see myself taking. After that first game my mantra became “THEY ARE ONLY FIVE” (yes, some of them were 6 but you see where I’m going with this, right?). I know my husband, and the other dads that helped coach, probably heard me say that in their sleep when our season ended. Here’s why…
Y’all, our Instructional league was cut throat! So, let me just go back and say I am all about teaching competitiveness. If you forgot how I feel about it go back and quickly review paragraph 1 or try to race my buggy at the grocery store. But, I just got the feeling that this particular version of the competitive spirit wasn’t really all about the kids. Other teams may have had a different experience, and if so, that’s fantastic. But, for the most part, our kids could not have cared less what the score even was at the end of the game. They were happy to learn the sport, be able to compete, and get loved on by coaches that truly cared about them.
I feel like now is the time to note that our team did not win a single game this season. Some of it was absolutely out of our control and some of it was that other teams just beat us. Maybe we weren’t the best coaches in the league, but we also never claimed to be. What we did do was teach our kids, encourage them, and watch them improve a tremendous amount from game 1 to our final game – so I feel like we did ok. Between you and I, we had trouble fielding a full team for any of our games during the season and had to forfeit several because we only had 6 or 7 kids (per the rules you have to forfeit and take a 6-0 loss if you don’t have a full roster but can still play for experience). More rationale for me to believe that our team was so amazing – the ones that could, kept showing up, even when they knew we weren’t going to have enough for the game to “count”.
Let’s get down to it though. Remember how I said it was cut throat. Believe me when I tell you it was. And it’s just my opinion, but at this age, it’s not really about winning. By all means, keep score, teach kids how to win and lose with grace, encourage that competitive spirit, and burn all the participation trophies in a pile. But, I stand by what I said. And ask this question. If my kids didn’t even think to ask whether we won or lost until the next to last game, do the kids really care at this age? Or, is this about adult ego and being able to say your 5 and 6 year old team won the league or the tournament or whatever?
I mean…I love bragging rights as much (or maybe more) than the next guy. But, even I have limits. I just think we need to keep the focus on where it belongs, teaching these kids the love of sport. So much focus has been put on trophies and personal pride that my fear is we have lost the love and the reason we want our kids to participate in the first place. League ball has become a necessary hassle instead of a place where kids run around and enjoy what it is to be a kid. To learn about baseball and teamwork and to have those “kid moments” where we are all about joy and not trying to win another ring to put on a shelf, that will go in a box in the attic, until that kid decides they don’t want it anymore and it goes in a landfill somewhere. This age is about the sport and the love of the game and I just feel like, maybe, we need to refocus and reprioritize.
Some of my favorite memories as a kid were running around Little Oaks BallPark in Mabelvale. I loved when we won, but even if we didn’t, I got to have a coke from the concession stand and usually a candy of some sort. That was the real win. My family in the stands supporting me and my celebratory coke. I was a happy gal. Have we lost that somewhere along the way? And if we have, how do we get it back?
What I appreciated most about being a coach on this team was celebrating the little victories. When a kid hit the ball off of live arm and not the tee for the first time. The first time our pitcher and first baseman connected on a clean out at first base. When one of the girls on another team played absolutely lights out and basically won the game for her team. Our players learning to support and congratulate each other when they worked together to make something great happen. That’s why I kept coming back. And when that little over competitive demon reared it’s head I was the first one to acknowledge “They are ONLY FIVE”.
My heart on the matter lies in putting back all the things that were good about baseball when we were kids and not worrying so much about all the other mess. If our kids are out on the fields they aren’t sitting in a dark room staring at their phone all night or being sucked into the vortex that is social media. And that, my friends, is a win all on its own. Let’s let our kids be kids and figure the rest out as it comes. A love of sport will last a lifetime and far too many young people have that fire put out too early by a well meaning adult who wants them to be incredible. They are only little once…so maybe we just let them be five.
Read more from How the Ball Bounces with Bekka in the archives at www.mysaline.com/bounces.
About the author: Bekka Wilkerson is a lifelong lover of all things sports. Raised in a super athletic household it was no surprise when she too began to love sports at a young age. It seems like from the time she could walk she had a softball bat in her hands, but her true athletic passion came from all things Basketball. That love served her well as a Bryant High School Lady Hornet and ultimately earned her a full scholarship to play at the University of Central Arkansas – among many other adventures.
These days Bekka can be found running around Saline County with her husband, Speedy, or chasing one of her grandsons. She is also the Executive Director of The EMpact One Foundation, a Saline County Nonprofit Organization that helps young people stay connected to extracurricular activities through tuition assistance and equipment provisions.
Reach out to Bekka with questions and/or ideas about things you want to see in this column at [email protected] and learn more about The EMpact One Foundation at www.empactone.org.